Where are you going?

It's been almost a year since I've updated this blog...

I guess I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I wanted to find myself and figure out just what kind of writer I wanted to be. Really understand what God wanted me to do with my passion for words.

I think I found it. So I hope you stay tuned for my new site with my own domain! It's still in the works but I have so many ideas I can't contain them in my brain or my notepad. This is a big change because for awhile I was like the desert in which I live, a dry, unforgiving gulch. I couldn't pick my self up and be the leader, I wasn't even being a follower. I was just standing still waiting. Waiting for what? I don't know but I thought I would figure it out by myself and I was so wrong.

I'm done standing on the sidelines playing with the bench warmers. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play.

40 days....

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

I've heard that statement from the time I was child. Never quite understanding what it really meant. What I think it means is that today--or tomorrow, you can start over. The past is back there and today is a new day. Another chance to be the person you want to be.

Today happens to be the first day of Lent, a good day to begin anew. The day after gorging yourself with pancakes and packzkis, liquor and parties on Bourbon street. Today is the day that many Catholics and Christians alike give something up for 40 days in honor of Jesus and his 40 days in desert.

Even though I'm not Catholic--I did go to Catholic school so Lent was something I've always been really aware of. Whether I took part in it was a whole different matter. However, I do remember my grandma gave up her after dinner cigarette for Lent and never smoked again. Others give up candy, pie or sweets altogether. Fast food, wine, chips, sex, you name it.

I'm not sure if there are specific rules you have to follow but from my understanding the purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for Easter or the celebration of Death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

For me, this year will be the first year as an adult that I will participate in the celebration of Lent. I've come to a point where I want things to be different. I want my mind to be clearer and I want my body to be cleaner. I want more self-control and self-direction. I need to be whomever it is I think I should have been by now.

This is an excerpt from the AmericanCatholic.org website:

Fasting is more than a means of developing self-control. It is often an aid to prayer, as the pangs of hunger remind us of our hunger for God. The first reading on the Friday after Ash Wednesday points out another important dimension of fasting.

The prophet Isaiah insists that fasting without changing our behavior is not pleasing to God.

"This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own" (Is 58:6-7).

Fasting should be linked to our concern for those who are forced to fast by their poverty, those who suffer from the injustices of our economic and political structures, those who are in need for any reason. Thus fasting, too, is linked to living out our baptismal promises. By our Baptism, we are charged with the responsibility of showing Christ's love to the world, especially to those in need. Fasting can help us realize the suffering that so many people in our world experience every day, and it should lead us to greater efforts to alleviate that suffering.

Abstaining from meat traditionally also linked us to the poor, who could seldom afford meat for their meals. It can do the same today if we remember the purpose of abstinence and embrace it as a spiritual link to those whose diets are sparse and simple. That should be the goal we set for ourselves—a sparse and simple meal. Avoiding meat while eating lobster misses the whole point!

Even if you aren't particularly religious, I think that you can appreciate what it means to give something up in order to better understand what you have. Being able to really empathize with someone who has something you take for granted everyday could do wonders for your point of view.

Sitting quietly with yourself--some call it prayer can do wonders for your mind and your soul. Bring out a sense of creativity and inspiration that has been repressed by the business of everyday life.

So I have chosen to give up meat for 40 days, that's a big deal for this carnivore. I've also decided to focus more and give up my friend procrastination. Because as it states above, fasting without changing our behavior is pointless. I don't think I can give up meat forever, but I can give up my unhealthy sense of laziness and lack of motivation. I have so many resources available to me and I think 40 days should be enough time to put them to good use.

What are your thoughts?

Do you celebrate Lent, what will you give up?

The World's Only As Big As What You Know...

I seem to be on a roll with my random thoughts so I figure I'll just continue on. Some of these things are subjects I wanted to blog whole, long-winded posts about but just haven't had the time. I may go back and revisit later if I feel the need. In the meantime...

• In this state of reflection that I am currently in I have wondered how almost this entire year has gone by and I still feel like I have accomplished very little. I need to reassess my new years goals and get a serious fire lit under my ass.


• My dear friend Erica got bit by a Cobra! She is fine but dang a COBRA.


• Since I'm on the subject of Erica, I would like to point out that in all her pictures--and there must be hundreds from her nearly 2 year commitment to the Peace corps, I fail to see more then one black person. This of course is not including the villagers because yes, she is in Africa. However, in terms of volunteers I don't see any black American men or women there to Help, Educate, Learn from, Explore, Shape, Love or Give back to our "Motherland". What's up with that? Maybe they were all assigned to a different village or to China....nah, I don't think so.


• My new favorite morning treat: Nonni's caramel latte biscotti....the best part of waking up, besides coffee.


• Kwame, Kwame, Kwame, you have made a mockery of yourself, your children, your Mother and Detroit.


• It's official. My family has become a 2 grocery cart family. I knew it was coming but jeez, it still amazes me.


• Luke Skywalker from 2-Live-Crew.....you know--oh me so horny, me love you long time. Yeah that one, he has his own reality show on VH1 now. Apparently, he's playing a father knows best type while running an "Urban adult entertainment" business....I don't know either, I assume that's like umm ghetto porn? Who knows, but I bet you still got that song stuck in your head.


• My new favorite reality show is 'Wipeout" on ABC. I'm not sure why but I think it's the extremely humorous banter between the commentators more then anything else. It's definitely NOT the butt cam.


• I'm a huge 'Grey's Anatomy' fan, HUGE. I even bought a real set of the 1st season DVD's. Since everyone knows I only rent and burn, that's a big friggin' deal. Anyhoo, Kathrine Heigl's Emmy controversy is extremely irritating. I agree that last season was a bit bland but I blame that on the writers strike and Issah Washington's uncalled for departure. For her to say she doesn't want to be in the running for an Emmy because she wasn't given quality material is a crock of crap. She doesn't need an Emmy because she sucks. Her character sucks and her funny tooth sucks. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she's a bad actor--I liked "Knocked Up". But I almost didn't see it because of the snotty aire about her. I think that she's getting a little too big for her britches and needs to honor her contract and be grateful she has a job. We've seen it before, people get a few hit movies under there belt and demand to be let out of their contract and BAM! they fall flat on their face and can't get a job shakin' their ass let alone a major movie role. Heigl needs to realize she isn't Will Smith.


• I need a million dollars.


• I really, really want a fish pedicure.


• I swear my kids grow over night. One minute they look like babies the next like little people.


• Why do we constantly compare ourselves to other people? Always thinking we don't measure up...


• I'm really wondering how I teach my girls how to avoid the "magicians" in life. I know they will get their heart broken and it's necessary, but some of these men....they got the game on lock.


• Why is it so hard to get men to do things? Then, when you stop asking they want to know why you didn't ask them if they wanted to go...


• The Olympics start tonight! I got 17 days to finish the sweater and throw for the Ravelympics!


• "Nothing stands out so conspicuously, or so remains so firmly fixed in the memory, as something which you have blundered"--CICERO

And all that Jazz...

So if you remember back at the beginning of the year, I made some new years goals to help better myself. Well, I plan to do periodic check ups to see if I'm staying on track. But not today, we'll talk about that some other time. (How's that for procrastination)

Yesterday, me and the girls visited our local library. I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I really like the Clark county library system. They have plenty of activities for the kids and a large selection of goings-on for adults. The kids got to watch 'Shrek the third' yesterday while I perused the used bookstore area in peace. Also, starting in April they're doing an annual event called "Reading Las Vegas". It was developed, from my understanding, to encourage literary reading by asking entire communities to come together and discuss one book. This years book is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. It's set in the roaring 20's, during the "jazz age". I've always held an interest in that time period, with the Harlem renaissance, Women's suffrage, Prohibition....and wanting to get my hair in one of those flapper styles and wear the cute little tight fitting caps or wide brim ones that the ladies donned. Anyway, last year's selection was The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. From what I hear she came out and did two standing room only appearances to discuss the book and her life. It sucks that I wasn't yet a resident of the valley because I would have loved to have met her. It would have also gave me an excuse to buy a red kimono (I really, really want one). The Joy Luck club is amongst my top 20 favorites. This Year they will have various writers workshops that I will definitely find someway to attend, a interactive murder mystery, dance lessons for the Charleston, Lindy bop and other popular 1920's dance steps and a host of other activities to fill the month of April. No author visit because well...he's dead. Has been for a long time. Oh, but I'm forgetting the best part. They give you the book for free to read! I heart free things, especially books. So I'm adding The Great Gatsby to my 'books to read in '08' reading list. This is good because I needed a few more classics on my list. I picked up War and Peace yesterday also. 1386 pages. Jeez, I wonder if I can get it on C.D. But is that reading? Or is that cheating? I have never listened to a book on tape/C.D./MP3 mainly because if the persons voice on the audio isn't just right then I don't think I would be able to stand it. It does seem quite convenient though. I could "read" and do other things simultaneously. Like clean the bathroom, knit, change diapers and the list keeps on going.... But on the other hand did I actually accomplish anything by listening to someone else read a book. Does that do anything for my ever diminishing brain cells or is it just the easy way out. Heck, I might as well just watch the movie version right? So if I set the goal of reading 50 books this year but I listen to 5 of them on audio will you still hold me in such high regard, as I know you all do.

I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Ready or Not

So it's the New year and everyone expects you to make some type of resolution. Be it lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school, stop cheating on your spouse...blah blah blah. I guess the start of a new year always makes one think and take stock of their accomplishments from the previous year. You look back and say what the heck did I do with all that time? 52 weeks, 365 days! OMG did I do anything remotely worth remembering?

Never really seems like it does it.

Especially when you look at a newborn baby. In 2008 Shy will have learned to walk, talk, sit herself up, eat with a spoon, grow teeth and turn over from her back to her belly. That's a lot for one year and these are skills she will use for the rest of her life. That makes me think, what skill(s) will I learn this year and use over and over again.? What scares me more then anything I guess, is that I will look up one day soon and be 30 and not have accomplished anything important. I won't be anywhere near where I thought or planed or wanted to be. I use to say that I don't make resolutions per se. Even though when I quit smoking 2 years ago it was on New Years day. Rather, I make a few small goals for myself. Which really is just a horse of another color, I guess. I think what I will do this year is post my goals er..resolutions here for the whole world to see ( or just the 6 or so people that I know who read this blog). That way I feel a bit more accountable for them. And I want you to remind me of that and say: "Hey girlfriend, I thought you were going to do such and such....?" So here goes:

1. Stop making excuses. This way when you confront me on not sticking to this list, I won't be able to worm my way out of it.
2. Finish my Novel.
3. Write Something Everyday.
4. Send out 20 inquires for my writing.
5. Go Back to school. again.
6. Learn to Sew. with my cute new sewing machine.
7. Appreciate what I have more. This includes my husband and children.

8. Start freelancing and get something published somewhere.

9. Knit something out of my comfort zone. Like a dress or a tank top.

10. Read 50 books.

11. Let shit go.

12. Exercise more. I started doing yoga and power walking last year and really enjoyed it.

13. Join a critique group.

Well there it is. I will probably add a few more things to list and these items are in no particular order. They are all important in some way to me. If I fulfill these goals in 2008 then I won't look back at this time next year and wonder what the heck I did. Now it's your turn. What are you going to do for you this year? Go ahead put it out there for the whole universe to see. I promise it won't hurt.

Good Luck.

Auld Lang Syne

It's the end of yet another year. I don't feel any older, and I sure don't look any older. But there is no denying that I am. Older. Reflecting back on 2007 I am grateful for so many things:

- I have one more child then I did this time last year.

- I've lost almost all 55 lbs I gained from my angel child.

- I have a new home that I will be moving into in less then 12 days.

- That home won't have any snow around it.

- I'm healthy

- I learned to knit.

- I started my book.

- No one close to me that I love died. I couldn't say that in 2005 or 2006.

- And just yesterday I realized for the first time that I am so very, very lucky. I have some amazing friends and family. I have never had to be alone if I didn't want to be and I trust them. Unequivocally. I trust that my friends will not betray me, turn their back or intentionally lie. It's the most important characteristic to have in a friend or anyone. I'm so loved.

The saying "don't sweat the small stuff" is easier said then done. Things don't seem so small when your mad about them. It's later, when you try to explain it, that it sounds silly. You can't even really explain why you were so mad or even if you can, chances are there's nothing you can do about it now. So let go. That for me is one of the hardest things to do. (I can hold a grudge just ask my husband.) but it's a necessary thing, if you want to be happy. You certainly can't go into a new year, let alone a new state with a monkey on your back. So I'm over it. It's done and I can't begrudge anyone or any event any longer. That doesn't mean I forget or don't care it just means I have to move on. The best is yet to come.

Goodbye 2007. Hello 2008

Happy New Year!