New Stuff

I'm starting a new series on Blissfullydomestic.com talking about how we as women can get that spice back in our marriage. Focusing on the everyday issues we all face but sometimes feel totally alone in. Every Wednesday I will suggest some new ways, fresh ideas maybe even some old tricks of the trade to get a stagnant relationship out of the harbour...

Here is the first column...enjoy.

He LOVES Me....

Here is another peek inside my scrapbook, letters my husband has written me over the years. I swear I fall more in love with him every single day.

My Love,

I was just thinking about you, thinking about how happy you make me.

Thinking about how it is we came to be and how lucky I am to be half of us, I must have done something right in my past life.

There will never be anything better than loving you and there is no high like being loved by you. People search their whole lives for love and happiness, the world is filled with flashlights and night vision goggles probing the darkness on a quest for the greener grass or the sunset ever after.

In front of your face, under your nose, the cliches never seem to be true, even when it's your nose and face.

I was just thinking about how much I love your nose and face.

I kept my flashlight on and somehow it found you and like a magic mirror, having you returned the light to make me feel like I'm glowing.

You will never ever be without me, I have lived in the darkness long enough and I can't live without your light in my life and in my heart.

There was no me without you and there will be no me without you....that's just what I was thinking.

I Love You. Happy Anniversary, both of them! -Your Husband

When You Believe

Attraction is a powerful thing.

That moment when you see someone for the first time and you know that your hand has to touch theirs, that your mouth has to know what his tastes like. It's a feeling so strong you think someone or something is physically pushing you toward that person. Then...the butterflies come, the shiver up your spine from their touch, the childlike giddiness you get every time someone says their name. Infatuation, lust, ecstasy-an emotional roller coaster of a drug like induced high. You'd do almost anything to hold on to these precious moments because everyone knows it won't be this way forever....

So when does an infatuated-attraction become LOVE?

Is there a such thing as LOVE at first sight?

When your heart is full and you step out on faith so to speak will LOVE be on your side?

Some couples take their time and get to know one another. They may first live together, then get engaged, then wait another year and a half to plan their wedding. Finally, they walk down the isle and jump the broom only to divorce a year later.

On the other hand, you have couples who meet, fall head over heels and get married a month later. They get divorced 15 months later.

Exceptions to the rule of course-both couples live happily ever after.

So what's the secret, why do some couples make it and others can't? All seem to start out with the same feelings of euphoria, yet, more then half don't make it.

Relationships are hard work. Marriage is twice as hard. You need to compromise on things you never thought you would have to compromise on. You have to honestly care about how someone else feels--about you cutting your hair, going on a trip or quitting your job. You are no longer an island but more like a peninsula. Attached to another human-feeding off their hopes, dreams, desires and needs while they feed off yours. You, have to be willing to do the work. Both must put 100% of themselves into the marriage and when one can only give 80% then the other has to put in that extra 20%. It takes strength, kindness, a whole lot of patients and of course LOVE.

But at the end of the day...it's so worth it.

Seasons of LOVE

For me, May is the season of LOVE.

The weather is warm, more skin is showing, sunflowers and daisy's are in bloom and its also the month my honey and I said I do.

So to celebrate this season of love all my blog posts this month will be on the subject of LOVE, marriage, finding LOVE, falling in LOVE, staying in LOVE and making LOVE...

I'll do my best to try and not make you all sick with my emotional mush. Reader nausea is not my goal.

God Bless the American Housewife

My husband texts me a message the other day.

"I had no idea I married such a sexist".

This of course didn't just come out of the blue. It stemmed from a small meltdown that I had moments earlier.

Since we moved here I have had to hook up the digital cable, the Internet, the new printer, program the universal remote and a bunch other stuff that I can't remember right now.

Normally these are all tasks that my husband would have taken care of but because of his absence I had to. So I bitched about it. I just don't have the patience and the universal remote was the proverbial straw. I was about ready to make him get on a plane and come fix it himself. That doesn't make me sexiest does it? More like a realist. I've never really considered myself a feminist. I'm certainly no bra burner. Some of what I think is wrong with this country stems from that whole feminist movement. That's a whole other topic and I'll save that for another time.

It's not that I don't know how to do these things because I do and what I don't know I can look up on the Internet. Which is what I did for the stupid remote.

But I'z married now! I say, I'z married now.

Look, I know it's not PC to say this but I know my place. And it's not out in the garage or tinkering with surround sound. Those are things that we do because we don't have someone else to do them for us. The cable company charges extra to come out and hook everything up and I'm to frugal to pay someone for something I know how to do, although I may not like it. I try to set a good example for my 3 girls and I want them to be strong independent women, as I'm sure they will be. They will know, like their mother does, how to change a tire. How to check the oil in their car, how to hook up their printer and wireless Internet. Just as well as they will know how to cook meatloaf, turnip greens and cornbread. I believe in self sufficiency but I also hope that if and when they get married they find a husband that can take care of that "man" stuff for them. I know some won't agree, that's fine, but I know their are a whole lot of women who won't say it but they sure do believe it.

I mean, I agreed to have the babies right?

Put it on paper...

Somebody I barely remember asked someone else I used to know why I got married. The first time. My first response was none of their damn business. And it isn't. But it made me think why do people get married? Is marriage even necessary anymore?

Fifty years ago people got married because that's what you were supposed to do. If a girl was in the "family" way then the couple married. Under better circumstances a girl married after college or finishing school.

That was then, this is now. Plenty of people have children out of wed-lock. Some by choice others...not so much. Women have learned that they too can have a career and then have children with or without a husband. So why marry at all when it's almost mainstream not to?

Love. That's the first word that comes to mind. The fact that another person will forsake all others and pledge before God that they will love only you forever and ever. That's some heady shit. Sounds good too. Of course everyone wants that but do we have to marry to get it? Can't you just say those words to each other and go about your daily life without having to change your name or sign some papers? There are plenty of people in this country who have lived together for years and had better "unmarriages" then those who stand before God. I wonder why that is?
Take for example, celebrities Goldie Hawn and Kirk Russell, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are all couples who have been together for a long time and don't look as though they will ever marry. Although, I can't say for sure cause I don't know them but they seem happy.

What about religion? Is that a main factor in people wanting to tie the knot? Do they feel if they don't then they will be damned to hell? Maybe.

There's always the whole cow and free milk scenario but let's face it, that milk has been free flowing for centuries.

What about security? What's yours is mine...If your spouse passes away you'll be taken care of right? That is as long as they have some sort of life insurance policy and a will. On the other hand if your spouse does something shady or illegal you can be held just as responsible for their actions, not so if you weren't married.

The words below are from the "Art of marriage". They're great words to live by and would arguably constitute a great foundation for a long and happy marriage. But on the flip side wouldn't it do the same for a long and happy "unmarriage"?

"The Art Of Marriage"by Wilferd A. Peterson
Compliments Of Erik & Beth Kent, Co-Publishers of NJWedding.comand founders of the Art of Marriage Foundation Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created.In the art of marriage the little things are the big things...

It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.It is cultivating flexibility, patience,understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.
- by Wilferd Arlan Peterson (long version)

The point of the matter is this, I don't believe you have to get married to find your happily ever after but for me it has lead me there. Follow your heart not society's rule book.

And to answer the question: I got married for love. Both times. The difference between the first and the second is that this time I know what to do with it.