God Bless the American Housewife

My husband texts me a message the other day.

"I had no idea I married such a sexist".

This of course didn't just come out of the blue. It stemmed from a small meltdown that I had moments earlier.

Since we moved here I have had to hook up the digital cable, the Internet, the new printer, program the universal remote and a bunch other stuff that I can't remember right now.

Normally these are all tasks that my husband would have taken care of but because of his absence I had to. So I bitched about it. I just don't have the patience and the universal remote was the proverbial straw. I was about ready to make him get on a plane and come fix it himself. That doesn't make me sexiest does it? More like a realist. I've never really considered myself a feminist. I'm certainly no bra burner. Some of what I think is wrong with this country stems from that whole feminist movement. That's a whole other topic and I'll save that for another time.

It's not that I don't know how to do these things because I do and what I don't know I can look up on the Internet. Which is what I did for the stupid remote.

But I'z married now! I say, I'z married now.

Look, I know it's not PC to say this but I know my place. And it's not out in the garage or tinkering with surround sound. Those are things that we do because we don't have someone else to do them for us. The cable company charges extra to come out and hook everything up and I'm to frugal to pay someone for something I know how to do, although I may not like it. I try to set a good example for my 3 girls and I want them to be strong independent women, as I'm sure they will be. They will know, like their mother does, how to change a tire. How to check the oil in their car, how to hook up their printer and wireless Internet. Just as well as they will know how to cook meatloaf, turnip greens and cornbread. I believe in self sufficiency but I also hope that if and when they get married they find a husband that can take care of that "man" stuff for them. I know some won't agree, that's fine, but I know their are a whole lot of women who won't say it but they sure do believe it.

I mean, I agreed to have the babies right?

Love of my Life...

When I began this blog I had no expectations whatsoever. I wasn't even going to tell anyone I had one. It actually just slipped out one day in the midst of talking to a friend. I guess I started it just to get myself back in the habit of writing. How I had put the love of my life on the back burner is a mystery to me. Of course I have kids, and work and life but when you love to do something as much as I love writing how do you just not do it?

Demons.

The little bitty, green ones that have pointy horns on their heads. The kind that laugh in your face and cause your stomach to turn at the stench of their breath. The same ones that I tell child #2 they don't exist when she's in her room scared at night.

"But mommy their are monsters in my room, I can see them." she will cry.

"No honey, it's all in your head. Just close your eyes and dream of sweet things and all the wonderful things you want to do. Then the monsters won't be there."

I guess, maybe, I should take my own advice. We all have them in some form or another. That self deprecating voice that tells us we suck. It will never happen, your not a good_______(insert whatever you want here). It's all in our head. No one has ever told me I'm a sucky writer. To the contrary, I have been told by a few different people that they enjoy my writing. That's great right? Sure, but those little demons always seem to pop back up. Like those little heads that your supposed to hit with the big mallet in that game at Chuck-E-Cheese. They seem to counteract all those accolades by saying oh their just tying to be nice cause their your friend or their married to you. Which could be somewhat true. Then again, I've never been able to take a compliment, my self conscious/insecure self just can't do it. I'm sure it's the same for you, no one has told you you can't or you suck, it's you telling yourself that.

This blog has helped me overcome my fears a little just by posting my ramblings and such so that anybody can see it. That's a big step for me. I used to never want anyone to see anything I wrote and if I did then I would leave the room while they read it. Now I broadcast it in my email signature, "Come visit my blog.....", I put it on my Myspace page and I joined a blogger community -20something bloggers. All these strangers are looking at my writing and saying what? Who knows and who cares right? I mean of course I want people to like it -love it even, leave comments, add me to their blog roll but if they don't then oh well. This is more for me then anyone else. This is me kicking my demons in the face and saying -take that. Bitch-slapping them and telling them to leave me alone. I am superwoman and I can do anything.

So give your demons an open-hand-slap-in-the-mouth too, I know you'll feel better.

I do.

Motivation

Sounds simple but it's so not. Especially for those who suffer from the genetic disease procrastinationitis. Yes folks, I have it and my current bought with it is extremely bad.

I just can't seem to get back on a schedule. We seemed to be doing o.k. when we first got here. But now the baby (AKA # last) is cutting her first tooth and is not seeming to enjoy the experience much. My 4 year old (AKA #2) has more energy then a 6 pack of red bull and seems to be extra needy lately. I'm sure it's due in part to the move and her lack of regular playmates. Plus, all this 80+ degree weather just makes her want to go to the park everyday. I swear we have been to the park more in the past 2 months then I have in the past 2 years. I'm starting to loathe the park. My oldest(AKA #1) is pretty self-sufficient and is gone most of the day at school but once I pick her up she has million and one questions and even more things to talk about. Of course her sister brags about going to the park all the time so then she wants to go to the park too. That's only fair right? She's had a long day at school she could use a little time to blow off some steam and play with her sister. This isn't a everyday thing but everyday it's something else. Let's add on to the fact that I need to make dinner, feed the baby, practice letters and handwriting with #2, go over homework with #1, clean up, take care of household affairs, shop for groceries.......ARRRG! So what do I let go of? The house cleaning? Oh sure let's not mop the floor and let baby crawl around and lick up the dirt. Don't go to the park? O.k. then the kids will just climb the walls and cry that they are sooo bored and then I still can't get any work done. Write at the park, you say? I've tried that but I spend so much time wiping snot, pushing swings, changing diapers and just plain making sure no one is looking at my kids to long that not much gets done. I don't want this to be a woe is me post about the trials and tribulations of being a domestic goddess but it does seems to be going that way now doesn't it....

O.K. so back to my original point. I have been coming up with all these ideas to write about and avenues in which to get published but I just have not had the energy to put forth much effort. Besides this blog, all I've written recently is a half done article about babies and planes, a book review, and a 2 pages of my book. I've tried staying up late but as anyone who knows me knows I am no night owl. I thought I was doing something by staying up till 11 last night. (don't laugh) I keep saying once this happens, or that changes, or my honey gets back I will be able to pursue my goals but I don't want to keep putting things off, that just makes my illness worse. You always hear about those writers who really wanted it. They worked 12 hour days and raised 4 kids and still found time to write that bestseller. They can kiss my ass. Maybe what I need is some vitamins or more exercise. That will give me more energy right? But then I have to find the time to go buy them and to do it. You know what-Woe-is-me damn it. I'm tired and frustrated and I need time to myself so that I can figure out how to get some time for myself.

Put it on paper...

Somebody I barely remember asked someone else I used to know why I got married. The first time. My first response was none of their damn business. And it isn't. But it made me think why do people get married? Is marriage even necessary anymore?

Fifty years ago people got married because that's what you were supposed to do. If a girl was in the "family" way then the couple married. Under better circumstances a girl married after college or finishing school.

That was then, this is now. Plenty of people have children out of wed-lock. Some by choice others...not so much. Women have learned that they too can have a career and then have children with or without a husband. So why marry at all when it's almost mainstream not to?

Love. That's the first word that comes to mind. The fact that another person will forsake all others and pledge before God that they will love only you forever and ever. That's some heady shit. Sounds good too. Of course everyone wants that but do we have to marry to get it? Can't you just say those words to each other and go about your daily life without having to change your name or sign some papers? There are plenty of people in this country who have lived together for years and had better "unmarriages" then those who stand before God. I wonder why that is?
Take for example, celebrities Goldie Hawn and Kirk Russell, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are all couples who have been together for a long time and don't look as though they will ever marry. Although, I can't say for sure cause I don't know them but they seem happy.

What about religion? Is that a main factor in people wanting to tie the knot? Do they feel if they don't then they will be damned to hell? Maybe.

There's always the whole cow and free milk scenario but let's face it, that milk has been free flowing for centuries.

What about security? What's yours is mine...If your spouse passes away you'll be taken care of right? That is as long as they have some sort of life insurance policy and a will. On the other hand if your spouse does something shady or illegal you can be held just as responsible for their actions, not so if you weren't married.

The words below are from the "Art of marriage". They're great words to live by and would arguably constitute a great foundation for a long and happy marriage. But on the flip side wouldn't it do the same for a long and happy "unmarriage"?

"The Art Of Marriage"by Wilferd A. Peterson
Compliments Of Erik & Beth Kent, Co-Publishers of NJWedding.comand founders of the Art of Marriage Foundation Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created.In the art of marriage the little things are the big things...

It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.It is cultivating flexibility, patience,understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.
- by Wilferd Arlan Peterson (long version)

The point of the matter is this, I don't believe you have to get married to find your happily ever after but for me it has lead me there. Follow your heart not society's rule book.

And to answer the question: I got married for love. Both times. The difference between the first and the second is that this time I know what to do with it.

And all that Jazz...

So if you remember back at the beginning of the year, I made some new years goals to help better myself. Well, I plan to do periodic check ups to see if I'm staying on track. But not today, we'll talk about that some other time. (How's that for procrastination)

Yesterday, me and the girls visited our local library. I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I really like the Clark county library system. They have plenty of activities for the kids and a large selection of goings-on for adults. The kids got to watch 'Shrek the third' yesterday while I perused the used bookstore area in peace. Also, starting in April they're doing an annual event called "Reading Las Vegas". It was developed, from my understanding, to encourage literary reading by asking entire communities to come together and discuss one book. This years book is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. It's set in the roaring 20's, during the "jazz age". I've always held an interest in that time period, with the Harlem renaissance, Women's suffrage, Prohibition....and wanting to get my hair in one of those flapper styles and wear the cute little tight fitting caps or wide brim ones that the ladies donned. Anyway, last year's selection was The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. From what I hear she came out and did two standing room only appearances to discuss the book and her life. It sucks that I wasn't yet a resident of the valley because I would have loved to have met her. It would have also gave me an excuse to buy a red kimono (I really, really want one). The Joy Luck club is amongst my top 20 favorites. This Year they will have various writers workshops that I will definitely find someway to attend, a interactive murder mystery, dance lessons for the Charleston, Lindy bop and other popular 1920's dance steps and a host of other activities to fill the month of April. No author visit because well...he's dead. Has been for a long time. Oh, but I'm forgetting the best part. They give you the book for free to read! I heart free things, especially books. So I'm adding The Great Gatsby to my 'books to read in '08' reading list. This is good because I needed a few more classics on my list. I picked up War and Peace yesterday also. 1386 pages. Jeez, I wonder if I can get it on C.D. But is that reading? Or is that cheating? I have never listened to a book on tape/C.D./MP3 mainly because if the persons voice on the audio isn't just right then I don't think I would be able to stand it. It does seem quite convenient though. I could "read" and do other things simultaneously. Like clean the bathroom, knit, change diapers and the list keeps on going.... But on the other hand did I actually accomplish anything by listening to someone else read a book. Does that do anything for my ever diminishing brain cells or is it just the easy way out. Heck, I might as well just watch the movie version right? So if I set the goal of reading 50 books this year but I listen to 5 of them on audio will you still hold me in such high regard, as I know you all do.

I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Can We Talk?

She said "Honey, why did you marry me?"

He said "Because I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world and I wanted you to be with me, always."

She said "Really, honey?"

He said " No, really I just thought you wanted to do it. It didn't make me any difference either way".

The above dialogue is fiction. But I'm sure somewhere, someone has had a conversation close to that one. Women in general ask a lot of questions. We want to know what your thinking, why your thinking it and how long you've felt that way. Why? Because we're gluttons for punishment. Sometimes we do ask to many questions. Want to know way more information then is needed. "But Erika!" you say. How can you say that! Don't you want to know what your husband is thinking? Don't you want to know how he feels about this or that?

Nope.

I used to but not so much anymore. If I have learned anything over the past 9+ years of our relationship is that somethings are better left unsaid. Perhaps less is more. I sometimes forget this bit of knowledge and end up regretting opening my mouth in the first place. For instance, this conversation did happen.

I said "Honey, how come it seems like we have less sex. Is it because I'm pregnant?

He said "I've just been tired"

I said "But honey, don't you find me attractive"? All the while rubbing my swollen belly.

He said "Your beautiful"

I said "A lot of men find pregnant women even more sexy".

He said "Oh, I see."

(Program note: see I should have ended the conversation at the "Your beautiful" part. But noooo I had to keep prodding. I wanted to know more. (shaking my head) big mistake. Now back to the conversation)

I said "Don't you think I look sexier all full of life and caring our child"?

He said "No, not really. I love you and I will always think your gorgeous but honestly? I look at you more like a vessel right now. Your carrying our child.......blah blah blah......

He goes on and on but all I hear is the word "VESSEL". Vessel, like a submarine or better yet the Goodyear blimp! "So you think I look like the Goodyear blimp"? And the argument begins.

My husband, a sweet, lovely man would never say I look like a submarine but because I wouldn't stop running my mouth and prodding him I ended up getting my feelings hurt. He meant that I was much more to him now and he had apprehensions about doin' the do the way we do while I was with child. But that point was moot to me. I was full of hormones and all sorts of pregnancy imbalances, basically, I was very unstable at this point so all I heard was fat, frumpy, unattractive, not sexy.....and the list goes on. I could have saved both of us a whole lot of trouble and time if I didn't insist on knowing what he knew would hurt my feelings. Knowing that he would never intentionally try to make me feel bad what I should have said was:

"Honey, can we have sex"?

He says "Yes"

See less is more.

Two Post Tuesday...must be your lucky day!

I've been told I must have too much time on my hands to have time to keep a blog. I usually disagree but even I might change my mind after this one. Call me crazy but I just have to get this off my chest. I don't know if any of you have heard about or seen the commercial for "New chocolate skittles". That's right CHOCOLATE skittles. What the hell is a chocolate skittle? Umm... I don't know maybe a M&M with an "S" on it. Do we really need another small, round, chocolate candy? Was that all they could come up with as they sat around the brainstorming table? Are these people serious? Isn't their motto "Taste the rainbow". I ain't never seen brown in any rainbows around here. Since we're on the subject, those "Fruity Cheerios" bother me just as much. I get multi grain, apple cinnamon even frosted Cheerios's but fruity? That's just silly. I think a certain bird from the tropics has been the front man for a fruity, round, lifesaver shaped cereal for a very long time. If I were him I would tell them what they could follow...

Look, I know everyone is always looking for the next big thing but it seems as if someone in product development has really dropped the ball.

O.K. I'm done. I feel so much better now.

These are a few of my favorite things...

• 
  
  Sunny Days


• 
  
  Thunderstorms-especially at night


• 
  
  600+ thread count sheets


• 
  
  Old Movies, especially black and white comedies and romances


• 
  
  Breakfast


• 
  
  Warm and fuzzy socks


• 
  
  Sunflowers


• 
  
  Big fat candles that smell like pie


• 
  
  Gerbera Daisy's


• 
  
  Big SUV's


• 
  
  Long hot showers


• 
  
  A good book


• 
  
  A funny blog


• 
  
  Good smelling laundry


• 
  
  Jeans that make my butt look as good as my husband thinks it does.


• 
  
  Wireless Internet
  
• 
  
  The sun on my back


• 
  
  Naps


• 
  
  Mahogany wood


• 
  
  Big Lots


• 
  
  Sales..better yet clearance items


• 
  
  Spellcheck


• 
  
  A good laugh that makes your eyes water and your nose run


• 
  
  Coffee with flavored cream


• 
  
  Thanksgiving and all the foods that go along with it


• 
  
  Chai Tea from Caribou coffee


• 
  
  Spring/Summer dresses


• 
  
  Club soda w/lime


• 
  
  Wheat Beer-i.e. Blue Moon (all 4 seasons), Hefeweizen etc..


• 
  
  Finishing a knitting project


• 
  
  Making love in the middle of the day with the windows open


• 
  
  My husbands sweet potato pie


• 
  
  Seeing my girls sleeping all curled up together

And you?

Desperate Housewives

WARNING! I'm about to rant, so take cover.

Yesterday, I'm sitting, waiting on my 3rd grader to be dismissed from school as I do everyday. When, out of the corner of my eye I see this "parent" walking by. No, more like sashaying by. She was young, maybe in her early thirties but old enough to know better. She's wearing cut off jean shorts and a white husband beater. Sauntering directly past the drivers side window of my truck I couldn't help but be eye level with her non-bra covered kumquat sized nipples.

What the f*%*K is she thinking?!!

Her boobs were obviously fake but that's not my concern. My concern is this is an elementary school. Full of prepubescent boys who do not need to see those. The middle schoolers walk right past there also. Those boys already have sex on brain, they don't need a live visual aid on their way home from school. Although I don't have any son's my daughters don't need to see that crap either. I don't want them thinking it's appropriate for young ladies(especially Mom's) to go around looking like that. Now, I'm no prude and I like to look good too. I refuse to be one of those mom's that wear the frumpy sweaters with holiday appliques on them and "mom jeans". I have my fair share of hooker heels and low cut dresses in my closet too. I also have plenty of husband beaters in an array of colors but I DON'T WEAR THEM TO MY CHILD'S SCHOOL". Makes me wonder what she was thinking when she left her house. Was she on her way to an adult outing when she forgot she had to pick up her kid? Doubt it. I wonder how her son feels about the way his mom dresses. Kids have a hard enough time at school. Being liked, fitting in etc... Little "Pete"-(I don't know the kid's name so we'll just call him Pete for this posts sake") Little Pete doesn't need his classmates teasing him cause his Mom dresses like a skank. Or worse yet, Pete's best friend getting a little hard on from looking at his mommy. I won't even go into all the Dad's that had their mouths gaped open. Maybe they shouldn't but appearances say a lot about a person. I wouldn't want someone who thinks it's o.k. to dress that way at a school, volunteering in my child's classroom or on a field trip. It tells me that she's definitely not a "thinker". She could be the nicest, sweetest person in the world but her lack of common sense and courtesy is appalling.

I know what some of you are thinking, that's the price you pay for living in a city nicknamed "sin city". But it's not, there are many respectable people living here and the rest of Las Vegas is nothing like the strip. There are no neon lights flashing on my child's school. No Girls, Girls, Girls, signs next to my house. All that nonsense is far, far away. Besides this isn't an isolated event I've seen almost naked mom's in Michigan too. The bottom line is this. being a "Mom" doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. You can still be a sex pot or a hottie McHottkins if that's who you are. You just need to know the proper time and place to do it. And damn it! my kids school ain't it!

Come out, come out wherever you are...!

I have been MIA for the past month or so. My computer has been on the fritz and I just got fed up with trying to type the same paragraph over and over again. I moved my blog to wordpress last week but I haven't got it looking the way I want it to. That's why I haven't invited anyone over there yet. (You know how it is when you've just moved into a new place and your not quite ready for visitors. Shit just laying around, box's still unopened let alone unpacked. Your html not working in your sidebar.....you know what I mean.) Now, I'm thinking of staying with blogger because I'm so damn comfortable with the workings of this site. I don't feel like learning new crap right now. The only thing is, some of my readers have a hard time trying to leave comments because they don't have blogger accounts or Google accounts. Wordpress is much more user friendly. Decisions- Decisions. I have also started a little book review blog where I will post my thoughts and opinions on all the books I read this year. March is reading month (at least in the elementary schools it is) so make sure you grab at least one book this month to fall in love with. Me? I'm still waiting on my copy of the new Jodi Picoult to arrive at my door step. Hey, Mr. Postman where are yooou? Here is a synopsis of the book if you haven't seen it already.

Synopsis:

Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible. Enter Father Michael Wright, a young local priest. Called in as Shay’s spiritual advisor, he knows redemption has nothing to do with organ donation – and plans to convince Bourne. But then Bourne begins to perform miracles at the prison that are witnessed by officers, fellow inmates, and even Father Michael – and the media begins to call him a messiah. Could an unkempt, bipolar, convicted murderer be a savior? It seems highly unlikely, to the priest. Until he realizes that the things Shay says may not come from the Bible…but are, verbatim, from a gospel that the early Christian church rejected two thousand years ago…and that is still considered heresy.
Change Of Heart looks at the nature of organized religion and belief, and takes the reader behind the closely drawn curtains of America’s death penalty. Featuring the return of Ian Fletcher from Keeping Faith, it also asks whether religion and politics truly are separate in this country, or inextricably tangled. Does religion make us more tolerant, or less? Do we believe what we do because it’s right? Or because it’s too frightening to admit that we may not have the answers?