He LOVES Me....

Here is another peek inside my scrapbook, letters my husband has written me over the years. I swear I fall more in love with him every single day.

My Love,

I was just thinking about you, thinking about how happy you make me.

Thinking about how it is we came to be and how lucky I am to be half of us, I must have done something right in my past life.

There will never be anything better than loving you and there is no high like being loved by you. People search their whole lives for love and happiness, the world is filled with flashlights and night vision goggles probing the darkness on a quest for the greener grass or the sunset ever after.

In front of your face, under your nose, the cliches never seem to be true, even when it's your nose and face.

I was just thinking about how much I love your nose and face.

I kept my flashlight on and somehow it found you and like a magic mirror, having you returned the light to make me feel like I'm glowing.

You will never ever be without me, I have lived in the darkness long enough and I can't live without your light in my life and in my heart.

There was no me without you and there will be no me without you....that's just what I was thinking.

I Love You. Happy Anniversary, both of them! -Your Husband

Can We Talk?

She said "Honey, why did you marry me?"

He said "Because I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world and I wanted you to be with me, always."

She said "Really, honey?"

He said " No, really I just thought you wanted to do it. It didn't make me any difference either way".

The above dialogue is fiction. But I'm sure somewhere, someone has had a conversation close to that one. Women in general ask a lot of questions. We want to know what your thinking, why your thinking it and how long you've felt that way. Why? Because we're gluttons for punishment. Sometimes we do ask to many questions. Want to know way more information then is needed. "But Erika!" you say. How can you say that! Don't you want to know what your husband is thinking? Don't you want to know how he feels about this or that?

Nope.

I used to but not so much anymore. If I have learned anything over the past 9+ years of our relationship is that somethings are better left unsaid. Perhaps less is more. I sometimes forget this bit of knowledge and end up regretting opening my mouth in the first place. For instance, this conversation did happen.

I said "Honey, how come it seems like we have less sex. Is it because I'm pregnant?

He said "I've just been tired"

I said "But honey, don't you find me attractive"? All the while rubbing my swollen belly.

He said "Your beautiful"

I said "A lot of men find pregnant women even more sexy".

He said "Oh, I see."

(Program note: see I should have ended the conversation at the "Your beautiful" part. But noooo I had to keep prodding. I wanted to know more. (shaking my head) big mistake. Now back to the conversation)

I said "Don't you think I look sexier all full of life and caring our child"?

He said "No, not really. I love you and I will always think your gorgeous but honestly? I look at you more like a vessel right now. Your carrying our child.......blah blah blah......

He goes on and on but all I hear is the word "VESSEL". Vessel, like a submarine or better yet the Goodyear blimp! "So you think I look like the Goodyear blimp"? And the argument begins.

My husband, a sweet, lovely man would never say I look like a submarine but because I wouldn't stop running my mouth and prodding him I ended up getting my feelings hurt. He meant that I was much more to him now and he had apprehensions about doin' the do the way we do while I was with child. But that point was moot to me. I was full of hormones and all sorts of pregnancy imbalances, basically, I was very unstable at this point so all I heard was fat, frumpy, unattractive, not sexy.....and the list goes on. I could have saved both of us a whole lot of trouble and time if I didn't insist on knowing what he knew would hurt my feelings. Knowing that he would never intentionally try to make me feel bad what I should have said was:

"Honey, can we have sex"?

He says "Yes"

See less is more.

How to Save a Life

As I know all of you have heard actor Heath Ledger died this week. Now, I wasn't really a fan or anything, I may have only seen one movie he was in and it wasn't even Brokeback Mountain. But his passing saddened me regardless. Not because we are the same age, or that his death may have been an accident.

I think the sadness is more for Michelle Williams-his ex-fiance/baby mama. I briefly saw her profile as she returned to her home with her 2 year old baby. So much sadness just in that half a second. Can you imagine? Not to long ago when everything was new. That first stolen glance. The giddiness that she felt the first time he whispered I love you in her ear. The thought, that I never want to be with out you. The joy they must have had the moment they found out they were going to have a baby. The dreams, plans, adventures planned. The butterflies he gave her every time he touched the nape of her neck. His smile, laugh, sneeze. Whatever little quirk he had that just did it for her. She loved him. No matter what broke them apart, I know the pain that she must be feeling has to be absolutely nauseating. Last moments haunting her. Words never spoken. Just catching your breath knowing that you will never feel it on his skin. I pray that he comes to her in her dreams and gives her the peace she needs. Answers the questions to calm her soul. I know my reaction comes from me realizing that every breath I take is connected to my husband. His heart is mine. His love is both physically and emotionally attached to me. It's like a leg, I don't think about the fact that I have one but it's there every time I need to stand up. With out it......

Events affect you differently at different times in your life. If this would have happened in 20 years then I guess I would be writing how I would feel if this was my child. But at this point I can't even go there. Refuse to. But the idea of raising my children alone, without them ever knowing just how much their father adored them is something that I can't begin to fathom either. I think it's one of my biggest fears in life. His daughter will have no memories of her own of him. That is the most tragic aspect of it all.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs...

Last week I decided to throw myself a It's-my-last-birthday-in-Michigan-but-hooray-I'm-not-turning-30-yet-going-away-party. (I looked for invitations in Hallmark but couldn't find that section.) I really just wanted a chance to see everyone one last time before I became a full fledged "Sin City" resident. The fact that it was my birthday was just kind of a coincidence. I chose Sweet Lorraine's downtown because of it's easy location and reasonable prices. Plus they had a wide variety of dishes to fit every one's eclectic tastes. Now I'm not going to make this a post where I rant and rave about what a suck ass restaurant it was but just for the record That PLACE SUCKED. The service sucked, the beer tap was out and the food was not all that. It has no place being listed under fine dining in the entertainment book. This just goes to show, always follow your first thought. We would have been filling our plates with pasta and spicy sausages at Bucca di beppo if the husband hadn't insisted I go elsewhere. Alright, I'm done now. This is supposed to be a happy post. Despite all the issues, I had a blast. I got a chance to see almost everyone before we hit the road. I forget sometimes that I don't some of you very often. I also learned just how many of you don't read this blog. Shame, shame, shame (shaking my head). It was quite obvious when someone thought we weren't moving until MAY! Hello? Shaneva, what rock have you been living under? It's bad enough some of you were unfamiliar with the knitting couture line. Maybe I need to send out a quarterly newsletter. My girl Tamika bought me a really good drink that I can't remember the name of..... peachy smeechy something or another. That's too bad that I can't remember the drink, seeing that it was one of the only good things about the restaurant. Thank you to Ms. Otay for the gift card to my favorite store, Kanette for the cash (of course we spent it on gas), Carol Ann for the sweater, and to everyone else who ordered a scarf from me! Anyway, I think I will let the pictures speak for themselves. If any of you have more pictures of that night please email me so I can post them here. Next year ladies Melissa suggested we go to Emeril's place here in the "V". So start making your plans now.
************************************************************************************

So where are these pictures you ask. Well I can't find the cord to connect the camera to the computer. So I will post them soon.......I think.
***********************UPDATE*************************************
So I still havn't found the camera cord but I did find pictures of last years birthday soiree. Since the gust list is almost exactly the same I figured I would put those pictures up. Even though none of us including me were knocked up this year. Thank goodness.

I Love My Husband

Now this happened a little over a year ago, but it's still a cute story.

My hubby, the love of my life, the father of my children, the most romantic man ever; Surprised me with a trip to Barnes and Noble. Not just any trip but a special one that included me meeting one of my favorite authors. He arranged for a babysitter and said we were going out. But I didn't have to get dressed up. So I figured we were going to grab a bite to eat or catch a movie. The thing is we drove for what seemed to be a really long time. Why go this far for casual dining? What time do we need to get back to pick up the girls? Are we going to the movies? Are we there yet? I asked. He just just said ever so politely to shut my piehole. Apparently, I sounded like one of the kids. So we arrived at the book store but he parked in front of the TJMaxx I think? (remember this was a year ago). So I got all excited that my man is taking me shopping. All shoot now.. I'm about to get some new boots, a couple pair of jeans, a sweater, a purse, some sexy things...my mind was running up our visa before my foot hit the ground. But he grabbed my hand and headed in the opposite direction. "The bookstore?" I said. Now don't get it twisted, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE books but when I start thinking about new clothes books just don't sound like so much fun. As we walked in the door I saw a line wrapped around the store twice over. Then I saw the sign:

Nicholas Sparks book signing tonight!

Oh wow. And look! What does my love have in his hand but a brand new copy of the "Notebook" and the DVD too. I tell you even now, a year later, I still smile when I think of this wonderful night. Thus the title: I Love my husband.

I have a link to his website under "Books to read in 2008"

The last picture is of another fan who was in line behind us. She brought her pet snake to meet Nicholas Sparks. The snakes name was "Ally" like in the book.