God Bless the American Housewife

My husband texts me a message the other day.

"I had no idea I married such a sexist".

This of course didn't just come out of the blue. It stemmed from a small meltdown that I had moments earlier.

Since we moved here I have had to hook up the digital cable, the Internet, the new printer, program the universal remote and a bunch other stuff that I can't remember right now.

Normally these are all tasks that my husband would have taken care of but because of his absence I had to. So I bitched about it. I just don't have the patience and the universal remote was the proverbial straw. I was about ready to make him get on a plane and come fix it himself. That doesn't make me sexiest does it? More like a realist. I've never really considered myself a feminist. I'm certainly no bra burner. Some of what I think is wrong with this country stems from that whole feminist movement. That's a whole other topic and I'll save that for another time.

It's not that I don't know how to do these things because I do and what I don't know I can look up on the Internet. Which is what I did for the stupid remote.

But I'z married now! I say, I'z married now.

Look, I know it's not PC to say this but I know my place. And it's not out in the garage or tinkering with surround sound. Those are things that we do because we don't have someone else to do them for us. The cable company charges extra to come out and hook everything up and I'm to frugal to pay someone for something I know how to do, although I may not like it. I try to set a good example for my 3 girls and I want them to be strong independent women, as I'm sure they will be. They will know, like their mother does, how to change a tire. How to check the oil in their car, how to hook up their printer and wireless Internet. Just as well as they will know how to cook meatloaf, turnip greens and cornbread. I believe in self sufficiency but I also hope that if and when they get married they find a husband that can take care of that "man" stuff for them. I know some won't agree, that's fine, but I know their are a whole lot of women who won't say it but they sure do believe it.

I mean, I agreed to have the babies right?

Love of my Life...

When I began this blog I had no expectations whatsoever. I wasn't even going to tell anyone I had one. It actually just slipped out one day in the midst of talking to a friend. I guess I started it just to get myself back in the habit of writing. How I had put the love of my life on the back burner is a mystery to me. Of course I have kids, and work and life but when you love to do something as much as I love writing how do you just not do it?

Demons.

The little bitty, green ones that have pointy horns on their heads. The kind that laugh in your face and cause your stomach to turn at the stench of their breath. The same ones that I tell child #2 they don't exist when she's in her room scared at night.

"But mommy their are monsters in my room, I can see them." she will cry.

"No honey, it's all in your head. Just close your eyes and dream of sweet things and all the wonderful things you want to do. Then the monsters won't be there."

I guess, maybe, I should take my own advice. We all have them in some form or another. That self deprecating voice that tells us we suck. It will never happen, your not a good_______(insert whatever you want here). It's all in our head. No one has ever told me I'm a sucky writer. To the contrary, I have been told by a few different people that they enjoy my writing. That's great right? Sure, but those little demons always seem to pop back up. Like those little heads that your supposed to hit with the big mallet in that game at Chuck-E-Cheese. They seem to counteract all those accolades by saying oh their just tying to be nice cause their your friend or their married to you. Which could be somewhat true. Then again, I've never been able to take a compliment, my self conscious/insecure self just can't do it. I'm sure it's the same for you, no one has told you you can't or you suck, it's you telling yourself that.

This blog has helped me overcome my fears a little just by posting my ramblings and such so that anybody can see it. That's a big step for me. I used to never want anyone to see anything I wrote and if I did then I would leave the room while they read it. Now I broadcast it in my email signature, "Come visit my blog.....", I put it on my Myspace page and I joined a blogger community -20something bloggers. All these strangers are looking at my writing and saying what? Who knows and who cares right? I mean of course I want people to like it -love it even, leave comments, add me to their blog roll but if they don't then oh well. This is more for me then anyone else. This is me kicking my demons in the face and saying -take that. Bitch-slapping them and telling them to leave me alone. I am superwoman and I can do anything.

So give your demons an open-hand-slap-in-the-mouth too, I know you'll feel better.

I do.

Motivation

Sounds simple but it's so not. Especially for those who suffer from the genetic disease procrastinationitis. Yes folks, I have it and my current bought with it is extremely bad.

I just can't seem to get back on a schedule. We seemed to be doing o.k. when we first got here. But now the baby (AKA # last) is cutting her first tooth and is not seeming to enjoy the experience much. My 4 year old (AKA #2) has more energy then a 6 pack of red bull and seems to be extra needy lately. I'm sure it's due in part to the move and her lack of regular playmates. Plus, all this 80+ degree weather just makes her want to go to the park everyday. I swear we have been to the park more in the past 2 months then I have in the past 2 years. I'm starting to loathe the park. My oldest(AKA #1) is pretty self-sufficient and is gone most of the day at school but once I pick her up she has million and one questions and even more things to talk about. Of course her sister brags about going to the park all the time so then she wants to go to the park too. That's only fair right? She's had a long day at school she could use a little time to blow off some steam and play with her sister. This isn't a everyday thing but everyday it's something else. Let's add on to the fact that I need to make dinner, feed the baby, practice letters and handwriting with #2, go over homework with #1, clean up, take care of household affairs, shop for groceries.......ARRRG! So what do I let go of? The house cleaning? Oh sure let's not mop the floor and let baby crawl around and lick up the dirt. Don't go to the park? O.k. then the kids will just climb the walls and cry that they are sooo bored and then I still can't get any work done. Write at the park, you say? I've tried that but I spend so much time wiping snot, pushing swings, changing diapers and just plain making sure no one is looking at my kids to long that not much gets done. I don't want this to be a woe is me post about the trials and tribulations of being a domestic goddess but it does seems to be going that way now doesn't it....

O.K. so back to my original point. I have been coming up with all these ideas to write about and avenues in which to get published but I just have not had the energy to put forth much effort. Besides this blog, all I've written recently is a half done article about babies and planes, a book review, and a 2 pages of my book. I've tried staying up late but as anyone who knows me knows I am no night owl. I thought I was doing something by staying up till 11 last night. (don't laugh) I keep saying once this happens, or that changes, or my honey gets back I will be able to pursue my goals but I don't want to keep putting things off, that just makes my illness worse. You always hear about those writers who really wanted it. They worked 12 hour days and raised 4 kids and still found time to write that bestseller. They can kiss my ass. Maybe what I need is some vitamins or more exercise. That will give me more energy right? But then I have to find the time to go buy them and to do it. You know what-Woe-is-me damn it. I'm tired and frustrated and I need time to myself so that I can figure out how to get some time for myself.

Put it on paper...

Somebody I barely remember asked someone else I used to know why I got married. The first time. My first response was none of their damn business. And it isn't. But it made me think why do people get married? Is marriage even necessary anymore?

Fifty years ago people got married because that's what you were supposed to do. If a girl was in the "family" way then the couple married. Under better circumstances a girl married after college or finishing school.

That was then, this is now. Plenty of people have children out of wed-lock. Some by choice others...not so much. Women have learned that they too can have a career and then have children with or without a husband. So why marry at all when it's almost mainstream not to?

Love. That's the first word that comes to mind. The fact that another person will forsake all others and pledge before God that they will love only you forever and ever. That's some heady shit. Sounds good too. Of course everyone wants that but do we have to marry to get it? Can't you just say those words to each other and go about your daily life without having to change your name or sign some papers? There are plenty of people in this country who have lived together for years and had better "unmarriages" then those who stand before God. I wonder why that is?
Take for example, celebrities Goldie Hawn and Kirk Russell, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are all couples who have been together for a long time and don't look as though they will ever marry. Although, I can't say for sure cause I don't know them but they seem happy.

What about religion? Is that a main factor in people wanting to tie the knot? Do they feel if they don't then they will be damned to hell? Maybe.

There's always the whole cow and free milk scenario but let's face it, that milk has been free flowing for centuries.

What about security? What's yours is mine...If your spouse passes away you'll be taken care of right? That is as long as they have some sort of life insurance policy and a will. On the other hand if your spouse does something shady or illegal you can be held just as responsible for their actions, not so if you weren't married.

The words below are from the "Art of marriage". They're great words to live by and would arguably constitute a great foundation for a long and happy marriage. But on the flip side wouldn't it do the same for a long and happy "unmarriage"?

"The Art Of Marriage"by Wilferd A. Peterson
Compliments Of Erik & Beth Kent, Co-Publishers of NJWedding.comand founders of the Art of Marriage Foundation Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created.In the art of marriage the little things are the big things...

It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,it should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.It is cultivating flexibility, patience,understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.
- by Wilferd Arlan Peterson (long version)

The point of the matter is this, I don't believe you have to get married to find your happily ever after but for me it has lead me there. Follow your heart not society's rule book.

And to answer the question: I got married for love. Both times. The difference between the first and the second is that this time I know what to do with it.

And all that Jazz...

So if you remember back at the beginning of the year, I made some new years goals to help better myself. Well, I plan to do periodic check ups to see if I'm staying on track. But not today, we'll talk about that some other time. (How's that for procrastination)

Yesterday, me and the girls visited our local library. I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I really like the Clark county library system. They have plenty of activities for the kids and a large selection of goings-on for adults. The kids got to watch 'Shrek the third' yesterday while I perused the used bookstore area in peace. Also, starting in April they're doing an annual event called "Reading Las Vegas". It was developed, from my understanding, to encourage literary reading by asking entire communities to come together and discuss one book. This years book is F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. It's set in the roaring 20's, during the "jazz age". I've always held an interest in that time period, with the Harlem renaissance, Women's suffrage, Prohibition....and wanting to get my hair in one of those flapper styles and wear the cute little tight fitting caps or wide brim ones that the ladies donned. Anyway, last year's selection was The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. From what I hear she came out and did two standing room only appearances to discuss the book and her life. It sucks that I wasn't yet a resident of the valley because I would have loved to have met her. It would have also gave me an excuse to buy a red kimono (I really, really want one). The Joy Luck club is amongst my top 20 favorites. This Year they will have various writers workshops that I will definitely find someway to attend, a interactive murder mystery, dance lessons for the Charleston, Lindy bop and other popular 1920's dance steps and a host of other activities to fill the month of April. No author visit because well...he's dead. Has been for a long time. Oh, but I'm forgetting the best part. They give you the book for free to read! I heart free things, especially books. So I'm adding The Great Gatsby to my 'books to read in '08' reading list. This is good because I needed a few more classics on my list. I picked up War and Peace yesterday also. 1386 pages. Jeez, I wonder if I can get it on C.D. But is that reading? Or is that cheating? I have never listened to a book on tape/C.D./MP3 mainly because if the persons voice on the audio isn't just right then I don't think I would be able to stand it. It does seem quite convenient though. I could "read" and do other things simultaneously. Like clean the bathroom, knit, change diapers and the list keeps on going.... But on the other hand did I actually accomplish anything by listening to someone else read a book. Does that do anything for my ever diminishing brain cells or is it just the easy way out. Heck, I might as well just watch the movie version right? So if I set the goal of reading 50 books this year but I listen to 5 of them on audio will you still hold me in such high regard, as I know you all do.

I would love to hear your opinion on this.

Can We Talk?

She said "Honey, why did you marry me?"

He said "Because I thought you were the most beautiful woman in the world and I wanted you to be with me, always."

She said "Really, honey?"

He said " No, really I just thought you wanted to do it. It didn't make me any difference either way".

The above dialogue is fiction. But I'm sure somewhere, someone has had a conversation close to that one. Women in general ask a lot of questions. We want to know what your thinking, why your thinking it and how long you've felt that way. Why? Because we're gluttons for punishment. Sometimes we do ask to many questions. Want to know way more information then is needed. "But Erika!" you say. How can you say that! Don't you want to know what your husband is thinking? Don't you want to know how he feels about this or that?

Nope.

I used to but not so much anymore. If I have learned anything over the past 9+ years of our relationship is that somethings are better left unsaid. Perhaps less is more. I sometimes forget this bit of knowledge and end up regretting opening my mouth in the first place. For instance, this conversation did happen.

I said "Honey, how come it seems like we have less sex. Is it because I'm pregnant?

He said "I've just been tired"

I said "But honey, don't you find me attractive"? All the while rubbing my swollen belly.

He said "Your beautiful"

I said "A lot of men find pregnant women even more sexy".

He said "Oh, I see."

(Program note: see I should have ended the conversation at the "Your beautiful" part. But noooo I had to keep prodding. I wanted to know more. (shaking my head) big mistake. Now back to the conversation)

I said "Don't you think I look sexier all full of life and caring our child"?

He said "No, not really. I love you and I will always think your gorgeous but honestly? I look at you more like a vessel right now. Your carrying our child.......blah blah blah......

He goes on and on but all I hear is the word "VESSEL". Vessel, like a submarine or better yet the Goodyear blimp! "So you think I look like the Goodyear blimp"? And the argument begins.

My husband, a sweet, lovely man would never say I look like a submarine but because I wouldn't stop running my mouth and prodding him I ended up getting my feelings hurt. He meant that I was much more to him now and he had apprehensions about doin' the do the way we do while I was with child. But that point was moot to me. I was full of hormones and all sorts of pregnancy imbalances, basically, I was very unstable at this point so all I heard was fat, frumpy, unattractive, not sexy.....and the list goes on. I could have saved both of us a whole lot of trouble and time if I didn't insist on knowing what he knew would hurt my feelings. Knowing that he would never intentionally try to make me feel bad what I should have said was:

"Honey, can we have sex"?

He says "Yes"

See less is more.

Two Post Tuesday...must be your lucky day!

I've been told I must have too much time on my hands to have time to keep a blog. I usually disagree but even I might change my mind after this one. Call me crazy but I just have to get this off my chest. I don't know if any of you have heard about or seen the commercial for "New chocolate skittles". That's right CHOCOLATE skittles. What the hell is a chocolate skittle? Umm... I don't know maybe a M&M with an "S" on it. Do we really need another small, round, chocolate candy? Was that all they could come up with as they sat around the brainstorming table? Are these people serious? Isn't their motto "Taste the rainbow". I ain't never seen brown in any rainbows around here. Since we're on the subject, those "Fruity Cheerios" bother me just as much. I get multi grain, apple cinnamon even frosted Cheerios's but fruity? That's just silly. I think a certain bird from the tropics has been the front man for a fruity, round, lifesaver shaped cereal for a very long time. If I were him I would tell them what they could follow...

Look, I know everyone is always looking for the next big thing but it seems as if someone in product development has really dropped the ball.

O.K. I'm done. I feel so much better now.

These are a few of my favorite things...

• 
  
  Sunny Days


• 
  
  Thunderstorms-especially at night


• 
  
  600+ thread count sheets


• 
  
  Old Movies, especially black and white comedies and romances


• 
  
  Breakfast


• 
  
  Warm and fuzzy socks


• 
  
  Sunflowers


• 
  
  Big fat candles that smell like pie


• 
  
  Gerbera Daisy's


• 
  
  Big SUV's


• 
  
  Long hot showers


• 
  
  A good book


• 
  
  A funny blog


• 
  
  Good smelling laundry


• 
  
  Jeans that make my butt look as good as my husband thinks it does.


• 
  
  Wireless Internet
  
• 
  
  The sun on my back


• 
  
  Naps


• 
  
  Mahogany wood


• 
  
  Big Lots


• 
  
  Sales..better yet clearance items


• 
  
  Spellcheck


• 
  
  A good laugh that makes your eyes water and your nose run


• 
  
  Coffee with flavored cream


• 
  
  Thanksgiving and all the foods that go along with it


• 
  
  Chai Tea from Caribou coffee


• 
  
  Spring/Summer dresses


• 
  
  Club soda w/lime


• 
  
  Wheat Beer-i.e. Blue Moon (all 4 seasons), Hefeweizen etc..


• 
  
  Finishing a knitting project


• 
  
  Making love in the middle of the day with the windows open


• 
  
  My husbands sweet potato pie


• 
  
  Seeing my girls sleeping all curled up together

And you?

Desperate Housewives

WARNING! I'm about to rant, so take cover.

Yesterday, I'm sitting, waiting on my 3rd grader to be dismissed from school as I do everyday. When, out of the corner of my eye I see this "parent" walking by. No, more like sashaying by. She was young, maybe in her early thirties but old enough to know better. She's wearing cut off jean shorts and a white husband beater. Sauntering directly past the drivers side window of my truck I couldn't help but be eye level with her non-bra covered kumquat sized nipples.

What the f*%*K is she thinking?!!

Her boobs were obviously fake but that's not my concern. My concern is this is an elementary school. Full of prepubescent boys who do not need to see those. The middle schoolers walk right past there also. Those boys already have sex on brain, they don't need a live visual aid on their way home from school. Although I don't have any son's my daughters don't need to see that crap either. I don't want them thinking it's appropriate for young ladies(especially Mom's) to go around looking like that. Now, I'm no prude and I like to look good too. I refuse to be one of those mom's that wear the frumpy sweaters with holiday appliques on them and "mom jeans". I have my fair share of hooker heels and low cut dresses in my closet too. I also have plenty of husband beaters in an array of colors but I DON'T WEAR THEM TO MY CHILD'S SCHOOL". Makes me wonder what she was thinking when she left her house. Was she on her way to an adult outing when she forgot she had to pick up her kid? Doubt it. I wonder how her son feels about the way his mom dresses. Kids have a hard enough time at school. Being liked, fitting in etc... Little "Pete"-(I don't know the kid's name so we'll just call him Pete for this posts sake") Little Pete doesn't need his classmates teasing him cause his Mom dresses like a skank. Or worse yet, Pete's best friend getting a little hard on from looking at his mommy. I won't even go into all the Dad's that had their mouths gaped open. Maybe they shouldn't but appearances say a lot about a person. I wouldn't want someone who thinks it's o.k. to dress that way at a school, volunteering in my child's classroom or on a field trip. It tells me that she's definitely not a "thinker". She could be the nicest, sweetest person in the world but her lack of common sense and courtesy is appalling.

I know what some of you are thinking, that's the price you pay for living in a city nicknamed "sin city". But it's not, there are many respectable people living here and the rest of Las Vegas is nothing like the strip. There are no neon lights flashing on my child's school. No Girls, Girls, Girls, signs next to my house. All that nonsense is far, far away. Besides this isn't an isolated event I've seen almost naked mom's in Michigan too. The bottom line is this. being a "Mom" doesn't mean you have to lose your identity. You can still be a sex pot or a hottie McHottkins if that's who you are. You just need to know the proper time and place to do it. And damn it! my kids school ain't it!

Come out, come out wherever you are...!

I have been MIA for the past month or so. My computer has been on the fritz and I just got fed up with trying to type the same paragraph over and over again. I moved my blog to wordpress last week but I haven't got it looking the way I want it to. That's why I haven't invited anyone over there yet. (You know how it is when you've just moved into a new place and your not quite ready for visitors. Shit just laying around, box's still unopened let alone unpacked. Your html not working in your sidebar.....you know what I mean.) Now, I'm thinking of staying with blogger because I'm so damn comfortable with the workings of this site. I don't feel like learning new crap right now. The only thing is, some of my readers have a hard time trying to leave comments because they don't have blogger accounts or Google accounts. Wordpress is much more user friendly. Decisions- Decisions. I have also started a little book review blog where I will post my thoughts and opinions on all the books I read this year. March is reading month (at least in the elementary schools it is) so make sure you grab at least one book this month to fall in love with. Me? I'm still waiting on my copy of the new Jodi Picoult to arrive at my door step. Hey, Mr. Postman where are yooou? Here is a synopsis of the book if you haven't seen it already.

Synopsis:

Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible. Enter Father Michael Wright, a young local priest. Called in as Shay’s spiritual advisor, he knows redemption has nothing to do with organ donation – and plans to convince Bourne. But then Bourne begins to perform miracles at the prison that are witnessed by officers, fellow inmates, and even Father Michael – and the media begins to call him a messiah. Could an unkempt, bipolar, convicted murderer be a savior? It seems highly unlikely, to the priest. Until he realizes that the things Shay says may not come from the Bible…but are, verbatim, from a gospel that the early Christian church rejected two thousand years ago…and that is still considered heresy.
Change Of Heart looks at the nature of organized religion and belief, and takes the reader behind the closely drawn curtains of America’s death penalty. Featuring the return of Ian Fletcher from Keeping Faith, it also asks whether religion and politics truly are separate in this country, or inextricably tangled. Does religion make us more tolerant, or less? Do we believe what we do because it’s right? Or because it’s too frightening to admit that we may not have the answers?

Catchin' Hell

*****Bill and Hillary*****
*****James and Dina*****
*****Vanessa and Kobe***** *****Kwame and Carlita*****

Til' death do us part. In sickness and in health. Always and forever. To have and to hold from this day on....So many of us have said those words in some variation or another. Most of us meant them too.

But what happens when the shit actually hit's the fan? Do those vows really hold any value? What if your spouse cheats, then are all bets off? Do you forgive and forget? Can you? Is it really possible for a marraige to make it through a bout of infidelity? Most people's first reaction to the question what would you do if you caught your man/woman cheating is:

Oh, I would leave his/her behind if they ever..... Or, I would cut something very near and dear to them off.... Or, I would burn their stuff after I threw it out the window. All valid reactions really. I mean if someone breaks a promise to you that they made before God then you have the right to be heartbroken and have a moment of temporary insanity, right? Now, add to the fact that your man is in the public eye. A celebrity, Governor, Mayor or even the President. You not only have to deal with the pain and humiliation of being lied to and cheated on but now you have to stand there holding his hand looking all supportive while he apologizes to the whole world. Could you do it? Would you? All of these men made their wives look so dumb and foolish. Not because they "forgave" them but because they had to stand in front of friends and strangers looking like boo boo the fool. Putting all of their dirty laundry out for the world to talk about. Personally, I would have let them stand there by themselves. I know some maybe even all were forced to stand there for P.R. or political reasons. I don't believe any of them stood there because they wanted to. I don't believe any of these couples would still be together if they weren't in the spotlight. Well, the couple in the second picture James and Dina McGreevey are divorced but then again he also came out the closet. So why can't men-especially ones in the public eye keep it in their pants? (No, I don't think all men are cheaters but you don't see many press conferences with the shoe on the other foot do you?) You would think that they would be smarter about it and have more options then the average Joe. You know, pay someone to cover their tracks, get them a throw-a-way cell phone. (Yeah, I'm talking to you Kwame) I can't even fathom the conversations that these couples had behind closed doors. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall. Except, I probably would have got hit with a flying vase or shoe. Some think it's to much to expect one person to be faithful to another forever. Like monogomy is a four letter word or something. Others believe cheating is the ultimate sin and can never be forgiven. I guess it's just a matter of wether or not there is any trust left in the relationship. Does the couple that stays together love each other more then the one that dosn't? To me it would depend on if the cheater learned a lesson or just got caught? I think that makes a big difference on if you stay or go. If you can't look at the person without seeing a big red "A" on there forehead then chances are your marriage is over.

hoW DeEp is Your LoVe?

In honor of Febuary being the month of L-O-V-E and my new residence in the wedding capital of the world. (See tacky picture above) I am devoting all of Febuary's posts to love, sex or relationships in some aspect. The good, the bad and the ugly if you will. I wasn't sure at first wether or not I would have enough to discuss for an entire month. But as a part of my new years resolutions I said I would strech myself and work outside my comfort zone. Originally I was refering to knitting but whatever. You may not hear from me towards the end of the month, my hubby will be in town and well...it is the month of love. If you have any idea's or topics feel free to let me know. I think this might be a good thing, having a theme for the month. March is reading month so I plan to discuss books, writers and such. That's as far in the year as I've gotten for now. Again, if you have any idea's let me know.

On a whole different note, I have a bit of a delima. If a kid comes over your house and breaks a very expensive gift that you got less then a month ago should the parent have to pay for it?

I guess I should explain. Apparently I have some distant cousins (like to the 5th power) living here in the vally. So in good spirit I invited them over and they brought their 11 month old twins along. That's fine, I like kids, most of the time anyway. What I don't like is when parents don't keep a watchful eye on them. Anyhoo, the little boy somehow ended up under my living room table and pulled down my digital picture frame. I saw it happining and made every effort to save it. Notice I said "I". No one else moved! But it hit the floor and that was that. Now it won't display any type of picture or even turn off. I was pissed to say the least. Not just because of the frame but more because it didn't seem to be a big deal to anyone but me. I saw no remorse or even a "I'm sorry" from either one of them. They didn't even move off the couch. Being a mother I know that children break things. Mine have broken plenty of things and other children have broken things of mine. I don't trip, but damn at least offer to replace it or something. It's just polite. As a matter of fact, whith kids that small you should be on the floor with them. Not sitting on the couch looking at them bang all over the fireplace glass. I want them to pay for it now. If only to teach them a lesson that YOU are responsible for EVERYTHING that your children do. You can't chalk everything up to "There just kids, or boys will be boys" No. you need to handle your kids. Maybe I'm just PMSing, you tell me. What would you do?

Breakaway

What kind of books do you read?

Do you judge it by it's cover?

How about the authors name or picture on the back?

Do you stay in one particular section of the bookstore?

Yes, I expect answers to these questions.

As an aspiring to be published author I'm faced with the dilemma of what type of audience I want to appeal to. I know, I know, I'm supposed to write for myself. And I do but at the same time I would like to appeal to somebody else. At least a few others anyway. The publishing industry is notorious for typecasting. Black authors write black literature, women write chick lit, men write dick lit, you get my point. There are always exceptions to this rule. Nicholas Sparks for instance, he writes romance or love stories better then a lot of women. That's why all of his novels turned movies end up on Lifetime at some point. Maybe that's why some writer's choose to use pen names or alias'. In most of the stories I write I don't describe my character's by their race. I just don't say one way or the other. I mean why should I? Is it really that important? If I'm talking about race relations in America today or the 1960's civil rights movement, maybe. If I'm just writing a feel good novel about a few people doing some shit and messing it up, falling in love, fighting, crying, making love on long layovers and flying around on jumbo jets, do I really need to tell you that my main character is Black or Mixed or Asian? Maybe I'm way off base and people really do need to know. Whether it's so they can relate better to the story or get a clear picture in their mind of what this person is supposed to look like. I'm sure their are many more reasons I've never thought of, that's why I'm asking you. Don't get me wrong, I do give some description of course and leave it more for the reader to decide exactly what they look like. Personally, with it being a book and all I would rather use my imagination and decide myself what he/she looks like. If I want the work done for me I can just watch T.V.

I've been told I don't sound how I look. My name, it's also no dead give-a-way to my ethnicity (At least not my married one). So if I were to write a book and publish it where would they put it? Would that change if (gasp) they knew I was a black girl? I think it would. This does not mean I'm ashamed of being black. I'm not. In no way shape or form. Nor do I suggest anyone else should be. I just don't want to be type casted into a certain category. I don't want to end up in "African American Literature", which at first glace looks more like 'hood fiction. You have to dig deep in some of these stores just to find true African American Literature. In most cases if it's really literature it's in the classics section or elsewhere. I do not write about hood love or ghetto romance. None of my main characters ever have gold teeth or has lived through a drive by shooting. I've read my fair share of Ghetto Romance (only because I will try almost anything once) and I've seen what most of the covers of those books look like. Some aren't even that bad, it's just not me. So, because my picture is on the book jacket I will get stuck between " Why won't my baby Daddy marry me?" and Keisha Cole's autobiography? What kind of sales will I generate? How many people will miss out on a great book because of it's location? If you are honest with yourself, how many Chinese authors have you read? How many Caucasians do you see searching through the black lit section for a good read? The same amount you probably saw sitting in the movie theater watching "This Christmas". We see this everyday in Hollywood it's not a shock or something new. Black people get type casted into roles on TV and in Movies. I'm sure that Gabrielle Union could have played Cameron Diaz's role in "The Holiday" just as well if not better. But then folks it would have been a "black" movie. Gabrielle can't change what people see when they look at her and she can't not disclose what she looks like. As an author though, I have the ability or opportunity to breakaway. You don't have to know what color I am or my characters' in order to enjoy my books. At least I don't think so.

How to Save a Life

As I know all of you have heard actor Heath Ledger died this week. Now, I wasn't really a fan or anything, I may have only seen one movie he was in and it wasn't even Brokeback Mountain. But his passing saddened me regardless. Not because we are the same age, or that his death may have been an accident.

I think the sadness is more for Michelle Williams-his ex-fiance/baby mama. I briefly saw her profile as she returned to her home with her 2 year old baby. So much sadness just in that half a second. Can you imagine? Not to long ago when everything was new. That first stolen glance. The giddiness that she felt the first time he whispered I love you in her ear. The thought, that I never want to be with out you. The joy they must have had the moment they found out they were going to have a baby. The dreams, plans, adventures planned. The butterflies he gave her every time he touched the nape of her neck. His smile, laugh, sneeze. Whatever little quirk he had that just did it for her. She loved him. No matter what broke them apart, I know the pain that she must be feeling has to be absolutely nauseating. Last moments haunting her. Words never spoken. Just catching your breath knowing that you will never feel it on his skin. I pray that he comes to her in her dreams and gives her the peace she needs. Answers the questions to calm her soul. I know my reaction comes from me realizing that every breath I take is connected to my husband. His heart is mine. His love is both physically and emotionally attached to me. It's like a leg, I don't think about the fact that I have one but it's there every time I need to stand up. With out it......

Events affect you differently at different times in your life. If this would have happened in 20 years then I guess I would be writing how I would feel if this was my child. But at this point I can't even go there. Refuse to. But the idea of raising my children alone, without them ever knowing just how much their father adored them is something that I can't begin to fathom either. I think it's one of my biggest fears in life. His daughter will have no memories of her own of him. That is the most tragic aspect of it all.

Dude, Where's my highspeed?

Wow, it's been a whirlwind of excitement for the past 10 days or so. I have so much to blog about I don't even know where to begin. Since the move I haven't had an Internet connection worth a plug nickel. Right now I'm using some wireless connection I picked up in the neighborhood. So until I get my own I have to sit still in the corner of my bedroom to pick up this signal. Believe me though, it's so worth it. I missed my cyberspace like a fat kid misses cake. What I think I will do is go back to my birthday and move forward from there. So I will backdate this blog so that things are in order. So you will have to look under this post to find a few new ones, that is until I catch up. So just remember patience is a virtue.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs...

Last week I decided to throw myself a It's-my-last-birthday-in-Michigan-but-hooray-I'm-not-turning-30-yet-going-away-party. (I looked for invitations in Hallmark but couldn't find that section.) I really just wanted a chance to see everyone one last time before I became a full fledged "Sin City" resident. The fact that it was my birthday was just kind of a coincidence. I chose Sweet Lorraine's downtown because of it's easy location and reasonable prices. Plus they had a wide variety of dishes to fit every one's eclectic tastes. Now I'm not going to make this a post where I rant and rave about what a suck ass restaurant it was but just for the record That PLACE SUCKED. The service sucked, the beer tap was out and the food was not all that. It has no place being listed under fine dining in the entertainment book. This just goes to show, always follow your first thought. We would have been filling our plates with pasta and spicy sausages at Bucca di beppo if the husband hadn't insisted I go elsewhere. Alright, I'm done now. This is supposed to be a happy post. Despite all the issues, I had a blast. I got a chance to see almost everyone before we hit the road. I forget sometimes that I don't some of you very often. I also learned just how many of you don't read this blog. Shame, shame, shame (shaking my head). It was quite obvious when someone thought we weren't moving until MAY! Hello? Shaneva, what rock have you been living under? It's bad enough some of you were unfamiliar with the knitting couture line. Maybe I need to send out a quarterly newsletter. My girl Tamika bought me a really good drink that I can't remember the name of..... peachy smeechy something or another. That's too bad that I can't remember the drink, seeing that it was one of the only good things about the restaurant. Thank you to Ms. Otay for the gift card to my favorite store, Kanette for the cash (of course we spent it on gas), Carol Ann for the sweater, and to everyone else who ordered a scarf from me! Anyway, I think I will let the pictures speak for themselves. If any of you have more pictures of that night please email me so I can post them here. Next year ladies Melissa suggested we go to Emeril's place here in the "V". So start making your plans now.
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So where are these pictures you ask. Well I can't find the cord to connect the camera to the computer. So I will post them soon.......I think.
***********************UPDATE*************************************
So I still havn't found the camera cord but I did find pictures of last years birthday soiree. Since the gust list is almost exactly the same I figured I would put those pictures up. Even though none of us including me were knocked up this year. Thank goodness.

Ready or Not

So it's the New year and everyone expects you to make some type of resolution. Be it lose weight, quit smoking, go back to school, stop cheating on your spouse...blah blah blah. I guess the start of a new year always makes one think and take stock of their accomplishments from the previous year. You look back and say what the heck did I do with all that time? 52 weeks, 365 days! OMG did I do anything remotely worth remembering?

Never really seems like it does it.

Especially when you look at a newborn baby. In 2008 Shy will have learned to walk, talk, sit herself up, eat with a spoon, grow teeth and turn over from her back to her belly. That's a lot for one year and these are skills she will use for the rest of her life. That makes me think, what skill(s) will I learn this year and use over and over again.? What scares me more then anything I guess, is that I will look up one day soon and be 30 and not have accomplished anything important. I won't be anywhere near where I thought or planed or wanted to be. I use to say that I don't make resolutions per se. Even though when I quit smoking 2 years ago it was on New Years day. Rather, I make a few small goals for myself. Which really is just a horse of another color, I guess. I think what I will do this year is post my goals er..resolutions here for the whole world to see ( or just the 6 or so people that I know who read this blog). That way I feel a bit more accountable for them. And I want you to remind me of that and say: "Hey girlfriend, I thought you were going to do such and such....?" So here goes:

1. Stop making excuses. This way when you confront me on not sticking to this list, I won't be able to worm my way out of it.
2. Finish my Novel.
3. Write Something Everyday.
4. Send out 20 inquires for my writing.
5. Go Back to school. again.
6. Learn to Sew. with my cute new sewing machine.
7. Appreciate what I have more. This includes my husband and children.

8. Start freelancing and get something published somewhere.

9. Knit something out of my comfort zone. Like a dress or a tank top.

10. Read 50 books.

11. Let shit go.

12. Exercise more. I started doing yoga and power walking last year and really enjoyed it.

13. Join a critique group.

Well there it is. I will probably add a few more things to list and these items are in no particular order. They are all important in some way to me. If I fulfill these goals in 2008 then I won't look back at this time next year and wonder what the heck I did. Now it's your turn. What are you going to do for you this year? Go ahead put it out there for the whole universe to see. I promise it won't hurt.

Good Luck.

Auld Lang Syne

It's the end of yet another year. I don't feel any older, and I sure don't look any older. But there is no denying that I am. Older. Reflecting back on 2007 I am grateful for so many things:

- I have one more child then I did this time last year.

- I've lost almost all 55 lbs I gained from my angel child.

- I have a new home that I will be moving into in less then 12 days.

- That home won't have any snow around it.

- I'm healthy

- I learned to knit.

- I started my book.

- No one close to me that I love died. I couldn't say that in 2005 or 2006.

- And just yesterday I realized for the first time that I am so very, very lucky. I have some amazing friends and family. I have never had to be alone if I didn't want to be and I trust them. Unequivocally. I trust that my friends will not betray me, turn their back or intentionally lie. It's the most important characteristic to have in a friend or anyone. I'm so loved.

The saying "don't sweat the small stuff" is easier said then done. Things don't seem so small when your mad about them. It's later, when you try to explain it, that it sounds silly. You can't even really explain why you were so mad or even if you can, chances are there's nothing you can do about it now. So let go. That for me is one of the hardest things to do. (I can hold a grudge just ask my husband.) but it's a necessary thing, if you want to be happy. You certainly can't go into a new year, let alone a new state with a monkey on your back. So I'm over it. It's done and I can't begrudge anyone or any event any longer. That doesn't mean I forget or don't care it just means I have to move on. The best is yet to come.

Goodbye 2007. Hello 2008

Happy New Year!

Funny Link

I didn't know how to post in the video format so you will just have to cut and paste or click on the link if you can. any of my old co-workers will really get a kick out of the first part.

http://inthemotherhood.msn.com/Default.aspx?source=email&videoID=3

Enjoy

The 12 Bars of Christmas

A good friend from my high school days, Erica came home from the Peace Corps for Christmas. She celebrated her homecoming by commissioning a pub crawl for her return. Erica has been in Africa, more specifically Berkina Faso helping the locals start their own businesses and utilize the resources they have available. It's been over a year since she left and already her mind and attitude and just everyday way of thinking has changed. The experience would humble anyone I think. Check out her blog it's linked on the right under "My Peep hole". You can can read all about her adventures and exciting projects. I told her I'm so jealous that I didn't think to go to the Peace corps right out of high school. It would have been an amazing experience. I hope maybe one of my kids will want to do something to the effect.

Anyway, back to the important part. The crawl. If you've never been on one then it's a must for your 2008 to do list. You (and a group of friends hopefully, alone you just look like a lost drunk) start at one bar or pub and drink for 45 minutes or so then you walk on to the next bar. Obviously, you want to be a place that has a few bars close together. Usually these crawls have a theme. Ours was the 12 bars of Christmas. So you guessed it, we planed to hit 12 bars in Royal Oak all while walking in 25 degree Michigan weather, singing Christmas carols. Yes, we had to sing while we walked on to the next watering hole. "Come all ye faithful", "Let it snow" and "Hark the Herald angels " were sung all while donning very festive Santa hats and ugly sweaters. Strangely enough we didn't sing the 12 days of Christmas. I only made it to bar #10 but that was 2 more then the goal I set. So that makes like an overachiever of sorts. Besides I told my babysitter I would get home before midnight and by bar #10 the momentum of the group had died down. I drank a few pints Winter Ale, siped a Chocolate Martini, downed a really strong Margarita, did a couple shots of Red Headed Sluts and Buttery Nipples and I didn't get sick. Man, even after 3 kids this housewife's still got it.